Kataññu Kataveti ~ GRATITUDE

"Having supported me, I shall support them, I shall do their duties. I shall keep up the honour and the traditions of my family. I shall make myself worthy of my heritage. I shall make offerings dedicating the goodness of my practice to my parents after their death"~Sigalaka Sutta

Don't mean to sound morbid but thats the truth of life and I believe I have to do what I have to do this lifetime to uphold this love and respect for my parents and ancestors..The unconditional love of my parents (yours too) is as immense as the mountains . It is difficult for me to repay this love this lifetime. They have worried too much and shed so much tears for me and I know they will never stop loving and caring for me even though I have caused them so much worry. I have not exactly been the most filial of daughters but I believe its never too late to show them that this bond remains unbroken through time and tide.

Although my dad and mum are separated for nearly 30yrs, I believe they still love each other even tho both of them do not admit it. I really missed having a father figure around and even though everyone hates him to the core for breaking up our family, I do not have that hatred in my heart. They have done so much for me, brought me into this world, fed me and taught me to do good always...but what have I done for them? Nothing but bring them worries...i hope I still have the chance to change all that...I do not want to wait till its too late to regret. Just like my dad, only after my grandma has passed away that he started feeling deep remorse. I do not wish for that to happen to me...

Every year without fail, I would dream of my paternal grandma during QingMing and 7th month that she is hungry and wants to eat Claypot rice, fried rice and char siew rice. Last year, I told my dad about the dream and he went to buy the food while I got a huge box of offerings to offer prayers....Friends and foe can always be changed but not parents and ancestors...I hope to end the 3 generations of misfortune by doing more good deeds and creating more merits for the next 3 future generations...

I used to complain and mope about all the sufferings I have gone through and why this world is so unfair to me. But now, I have realized that all these crisis and tests have made me a stronger person to walk the path...Everyday I wake up and think that I'm still a warrior with a sword cutting through all negativities in this huge forest called life..life is a difficult experience and we keep learning till the day we die....now i think that life should be in fact difficult because thats the only way i can learn...

My dad sent my mom a very touching email just a few days ago and tears cannot stop flowing from my eyes....My mothers only wish is for my dad to send her off when she leaves this world....Sometimes I do wish for them to be back together even for a brief moment during their golden age...I used to be so selfish keep thinking of what can others do for me and take take take..now i have learnt to open up my heart and give give give...the joy of giving to others unconditionally exceeds the joy of taking....Quote from Venerable Ajahn Sumedho..:" A life without Kataññu is a joyless life" . I cannot agree more...i have to be grateful for whatever that I have now...i am more fortunate then many others in the world who cannot even afford 3 meals a day....GRATITUDE is an understated word in the dictionary..it should be put in BOLD and in CAPS..font number 72! ;o)

~SkyGoddess